The Smith Project

identity

Diamond in the Rough

LifeAndrea SmithComment

In some season of your life, you feel like you are just stuck in a hard place. Other times the sun on your face feels like you can finally breathe again. No matter the season you are in two things matter more than anything; 1.) Do you still call God faithful? and 2.) Is He for you? I think answering truthfully those two questions, you can find true rest in your Father. You can find true rest in your heart, mind, body and soul. 

I am coming to learn that just because I have a husband, a roof over my head and a cute little baby does not mean that my life is a beautiful cake and I can eat it too. This season has been one of the most challenging in my life to date. I have felt lost, alone, confused, hatred, rage, anger, frustration, worry, you name it I've probably felt it. It took me too long to realize that I didn't want to live this way anymore, and I didn't have to. I reached out and up. At the end of myself I looked to the One that could take away my heartache and replace it with joy. I looked to the One who's eyes burn like fire and He told me that everything was going to be alright if I just kept my gaze on Him.

At times I have wanted to look away, but my heart says to hold on. The little girl inside says to hold on to hope. Hold on to love. Hold on to the One who was there through every horrible moment, and every joyful one. So instead of letting my life define who I am, I am letting my Creator define me by how He sees me. He sees the true me and that doesn't look like the things that I do or don't do, but He sees things in my heart that I am not even aware of. 

So now the choices. I have the choice to either trust in the character and nature of who God is, or choose to continue to look at myself and see how I can get myself out of the mess called life. No matter what season I am in, I want to be content. You don't have to be content with where you are at or who you are at the moment, but you can be content in who you are through Christ and where He is taking you.

Living life to the Fullest

LifeAndrea SmithComment

First off, I love Kate Winslet, secondly this quote is so great. Loving yourself the way that you are right now, but also wanting to be a better you is not only a positive outlook, but a realistic goal.

I am just starting to get into a routine where I want to workout not only for my family, but for myself. I want to feel better about myself from the inside out. I feel like this saying is cliche as it's true, true beauty comes from the inside out. So starting today I am going to look in the mirror each day and tell myself one thing I like. I believe in the power of words and I want to start treating myself with more respect and liking myself. The Lord created me to be the body shape that I am, the personality type that I am and He likes me for me, and if I don't accept that, then I will keep spinning down this the Alice in Wonderland hole. So, all that say, start liking yourself, start loving yourself, and start living.

Coming Alive

Motherhood, LifeAndrea SmithComment

After many months of transition, pain and loss of self, I finally feel like I am rediscovering who I am. Since having my first child and battling PPD, it's been a struggle to find enjoyment in everyday life. We recently celebrated my son's first birthday and it was a joy to say the least with family and friends surrounding our little boy with love and affection. I "officially" am a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom) and just enjoyed my first week with little Liam. Though both of us have been sick, it has been an extremely enjoyable week learning, talking and shopping together. Yes, momma likes to shop. 

Now transitioning from full-time marketplace, to full-time mommyhood, I feel a sense of relief and even feel at peace with just having one occupation. I think if I wasn't battling so much with PPD and other things in my life right now maybe it would of been ok for me to stay in the marketplace, but mentally, spiritually, emotional and physically it has stripped me. I think working moms are seriously the best. I wasn't able to do it, but I have such respect for mothers who go back to work after having a baby. My mother was a single parent herself for a time and I seriously don't know how she did it. My mother has sacraficed so much of herself for us and even now I tear up just thinking about all the things she had to do to push us to have better. It is a courage that has marked my heart forever. 

I am very grateful though that my husband has witnessed the past year and has called for a change. I am grateful and humbled that he wants me to stay at home with our son and give all my energy and attention to his needs. Adjusting to my new schedule is interesting, but today is the first day that I can say, that I have felt true happiness, and I haven't felt this way in a long time. 

25 & Pregnant

PregnancyAndrea SmithComment

I never thought I would be a mom. I wasn't one of the those girls who grew up wanting to get married, have kids and live happily ever after. I knew it wasn't a reality, so I never really thought about it. Being a mom comes with so muchresponsibility and sacrifice, that I was not willing to give up. Yes, you can say I am selfish. I'll be the first to admit that. But from my broken perspective, having kids was a burden, a dream destroyer, and a life sucker. I see so many burnt out parents, kids acting wild to get some love and attention, and families being torn apart with divorce. So yes, I didn't want kids, sometimes I am still hesitated in bringing forth a living human being to this war-torn world.


As I looked around me seeing all of these moms so excited to have babies. But I was freaking out. I still have my moments, something that I am working through everyday. How can I be a mom?! I'm only 25, I haven't even landed in my career yet, it's been a rough of marriage and now there's this kid that decides to show up. I was so angry. This is just all so sudden. You can say, "well at least it wasn't a honeymoon baby" yeah I get that, but seriously, shut up, no one wants to hear that. I felt so alone even with friends and family surrounding me. Everyone would asked me if I am excited, I was getting fatter, I wanted to throw up every two seconds and sleep at the same time. So no, not really excited. Now go get me some Chinese food and a Costco box of Tums ;-)

I started to think about why I was so upset, why I was so angry, why I was letting fear take over my life. I feared that I would fail. I feared that I wouldn't be a good parent. I feared I wouldn't love my child.  I feared that the kid(s) would drive a wedge between myself and Jared. So much fear and for what? Like really, why should I give into fear when I have a God who has literally given me life to live without fear.

I began to think about the last seven years of my life. How I was a train wreck out of high school, having no direction, pissed drunk and hated who I was and where I was going. Then Jesus showed up, and completely filled my heart up with love for the first time in my life. I never felt so free. The past seven years has been a time of preparation spiritually, and mentally to walk fully into the calling that He has for me. The number seven in the bible means "complete" "coming into fullness". So when the  Holy Spirit was reminding me of this I sat down in awe, as tears were streaming down my face. I grew up in a broken family and now the Lord gave me a husband who will never leave me till death do us part. He is giving me a child to raise in a godly home, and to be a disciple maker. He has been telling me the last couple of years to begin writing and I am actually doing it. Yeah, I fail at doing it a lot of the time, but it's better than not writing at all. All this to say, the Lord has been more than kind to me. He really does care and has bigger plans for me than I could ever imagine.

I know I won't be the perfect mom, I know I will have scary times, I know my kids won't be perfect. But I have a God who is the perfect Father, nothing scares him, and my kids will be perfect because that's the way he sees them. All I can do is trust that the Lord knows what He is doing, through the hard times and good times. I can now say the Lord is still in the process of healing my heart from past wounds and changing my perspective on parenting. As I look into my son's eyes, I can now say I am excited to see what adventures await for us and our growing family.

The Marriage Idol

MarriageAndrea SmithComment

We were approaching month three, and with each passing day I’ve been feeling more and more empty. I was sitting at the International House of Prayer Room and the Lord stopped me in the middle of worshipping Him. He said, “you are putting your marriage first and not Me.” I sat down only for a few minutes until I had to leave to pick up Jared. I cried all the way home and then some. I couldn’t believe that I’ve been putting my marriage up as an idol.


I felt so helpless and lost. My beloved husband encouraged me and it was comforting for a moment, but the reality of me worshipping my husband, and my marriage brought disdain to my heart. I never wanted to be that woman who would do something like that.

It’s amazing how you can get so wrapped up in with what you’re doing and miss the bigger picture. I thought I was the only one who would ever put their husband before my God. Yet, history tells us something different. In Genesis 3:16 the Lord gives these words to Eve before they are banished from the Garden. “….your desire shall be for your husband…” With this we were cursed to have tochoose either God or man. Just like Eve had the choice to either put the Lord first or the words of a serpent first. We all will be faced with this challenge.

I was convicted, but not put to shame, for Lord began to walk and talk with me about these things. He was so kind to invite me into His heart of forgiveness and mercy. Even when He first spoke to my Spirit that I was living in idolatry. He smiled and said it’s going to be alright. I am saying this to you NOW, because I know what you will be LATER. The glorious change that happens to a woman who is filled with love for another human being, can only be brought up higher when you learn to love me first. He told me that by throwing myself into Him, I can love others better, I can love myself better and I can love Him more.

I know now that every woman will face this challenge. That you will face it. The choice is yours, whether or not to yield to the Holy Spirit when He brings it to the surface. Or you can run and hide like Adam and Eve did in the Garden. Be bold daughter of the Most High. When He comes to reveal your heart, don’t turn away in fear and disappointment. But look into the eyes of love and accept the fact that you will make mistakes. That you will fall at times, but you can get back up and try again. Repent and move on. For the Lord wants to show you all the wonders of who He is and who you are. So, enjoy the journey, and press on.