The Smith Project


The Marriage Idol

MarriageAndrea SmithComment

We were approaching month three, and with each passing day I’ve been feeling more and more empty. I was sitting at the International House of Prayer Room and the Lord stopped me in the middle of worshipping Him. He said, “you are putting your marriage first and not Me.” I sat down only for a few minutes until I had to leave to pick up Jared. I cried all the way home and then some. I couldn’t believe that I’ve been putting my marriage up as an idol.

I felt so helpless and lost. My beloved husband encouraged me and it was comforting for a moment, but the reality of me worshipping my husband, and my marriage brought disdain to my heart. I never wanted to be that woman who would do something like that.

It’s amazing how you can get so wrapped up in with what you’re doing and miss the bigger picture. I thought I was the only one who would ever put their husband before my God. Yet, history tells us something different. In Genesis 3:16 the Lord gives these words to Eve before they are banished from the Garden. “….your desire shall be for your husband…” With this we were cursed to have tochoose either God or man. Just like Eve had the choice to either put the Lord first or the words of a serpent first. We all will be faced with this challenge.

I was convicted, but not put to shame, for Lord began to walk and talk with me about these things. He was so kind to invite me into His heart of forgiveness and mercy. Even when He first spoke to my Spirit that I was living in idolatry. He smiled and said it’s going to be alright. I am saying this to you NOW, because I know what you will be LATER. The glorious change that happens to a woman who is filled with love for another human being, can only be brought up higher when you learn to love me first. He told me that by throwing myself into Him, I can love others better, I can love myself better and I can love Him more.

I know now that every woman will face this challenge. That you will face it. The choice is yours, whether or not to yield to the Holy Spirit when He brings it to the surface. Or you can run and hide like Adam and Eve did in the Garden. Be bold daughter of the Most High. When He comes to reveal your heart, don’t turn away in fear and disappointment. But look into the eyes of love and accept the fact that you will make mistakes. That you will fall at times, but you can get back up and try again. Repent and move on. For the Lord wants to show you all the wonders of who He is and who you are. So, enjoy the journey, and press on.

From Ms. to Mrs.

MarriageAndrea SmithComment

How come no one walks you through the process of getting your name changed? I mean you go to pre-martial counseling, you talk to your parents and people you look up to. But I’ve come to the conclusion that when I had to change my last name. I was devastated. Don't get me wrong I love my husband, and I was excited to start a new life with him, but letting go of my name was like letting go the part of me that I've known all my life.

From the moment I was born I had a name. I was a “Roe girl” I had special powers and extremely awesome curly hair! I lived in a world where no one shared my last name in school and it was glorious, and everyone knew who I was. I was proud of my name, cause I stood out from the rest. My mother and uncles decided to have all girls (except my brother) so our family name would die out once we all married. But that would never happen... would it?

In the midst of planning the wedding and trying not to be a brideszilla, it started to hit me that I was going to be Mrs. Smith. The most generic name in the world, and of course I will join the sea of Smiths, never to stand out again. Yes, I am being dramatic, but let's be real here, I was sad about it!

When we returned from our honeymoon, there's a procedure you have to go through to make everything legal. The marriage license, social security card, drivers license, bank accounts, credit cards, mailing address, email addresses etc. You start to realize that everything requires your name. That's when reality sinks in. Oh, wow, I got married and I have to change my name, the only name I've ever known, and now I'm freaking out because I have an identity issue and I don't know who I am and OMG my world is crumbling. Okay, maybe your experience wasn't like that. But you get the idea.

Anyways, it hit me one day when I was talking to Jared about... whatever and I started to cry. I was so wrapped up between the wedding, moving and everything that I never processed that my life was literally going to change. That I was actually stepping into a new chapter of my life, that consist of ACTUAL change in my day to day life. Everyone always says, “oh a new chapter in your life” but now that I think about it, you're really starting a new book. Yes it can be a sequel, but it's a NEW book. Let the reader hear. You are starting fresh, with new characters, new storyline, everything is different, including your name.

I thought I was the only crazy one who actually grieved over leaving my name behind. But after a Facebook status and about 12 comments later, I realized I wasn't. That's why I'm writing this blog. I want you to know that you are not alone. People sometimes make you think that you are, but they've probably gone through the same thing and they just forgot, or don't want to talk about it.

The truth is, when you get married, when you sign those legal documents of marriage, your driver's license etc. You just need to take a step back, breathe deep, talk to your husband and cry a little. The truth is, this is a HUGE life changing event for you. It's ok to be sad about it, but I promise you, the sadness will go away and you will be so happy that you get to share your husband's name. Because it's now your name, and maybe even your future children's name. You get to start with a fresh slate and move forward with your life. You get to form your own family, in your own way, with your best friend.

I love being Mrs. Smith, because it doesn't change who I am, it shows people who I am. My name is Mrs. Smith and I like being me.