We were approaching month three, and with each passing day I’ve been feeling more and more empty. I was sitting at the International House of Prayer Room and the Lord stopped me in the middle of worshipping Him. He said, “you are putting your marriage first and not Me.” I sat down only for a few minutes until I had to leave to pick up Jared. I cried all the way home and then some. I couldn’t believe that I’ve been putting my marriage up as an idol.
I felt so helpless and lost. My beloved husband encouraged me and it was comforting for a moment, but the reality of me worshipping my husband, and my marriage brought disdain to my heart. I never wanted to be that woman who would do something like that.
It’s amazing how you can get so wrapped up in with what you’re doing and miss the bigger picture. I thought I was the only one who would ever put their husband before my God. Yet, history tells us something different. In Genesis 3:16 the Lord gives these words to Eve before they are banished from the Garden. “….your desire shall be for your husband…” With this we were cursed to have tochoose either God or man. Just like Eve had the choice to either put the Lord first or the words of a serpent first. We all will be faced with this challenge.
I was convicted, but not put to shame, for Lord began to walk and talk with me about these things. He was so kind to invite me into His heart of forgiveness and mercy. Even when He first spoke to my Spirit that I was living in idolatry. He smiled and said it’s going to be alright. I am saying this to you NOW, because I know what you will be LATER. The glorious change that happens to a woman who is filled with love for another human being, can only be brought up higher when you learn to love me first. He told me that by throwing myself into Him, I can love others better, I can love myself better and I can love Him more.
I know now that every woman will face this challenge. That you will face it. The choice is yours, whether or not to yield to the Holy Spirit when He brings it to the surface. Or you can run and hide like Adam and Eve did in the Garden. Be bold daughter of the Most High. When He comes to reveal your heart, don’t turn away in fear and disappointment. But look into the eyes of love and accept the fact that you will make mistakes. That you will fall at times, but you can get back up and try again. Repent and move on. For the Lord wants to show you all the wonders of who He is and who you are. So, enjoy the journey, and press on.