In some season of your life, you feel like you are just stuck in a hard place. Other times the sun on your face feels like you can finally breathe again. No matter the season you are in two things matter more than anything; 1.) Do you still call God faithful? and 2.) Is He for you? I think answering truthfully those two questions, you can find true rest in your Father. You can find true rest in your heart, mind, body and soul.
I am coming to learn that just because I have a husband, a roof over my head and a cute little baby does not mean that my life is a beautiful cake and I can eat it too. This season has been one of the most challenging in my life to date. I have felt lost, alone, confused, hatred, rage, anger, frustration, worry, you name it I've probably felt it. It took me too long to realize that I didn't want to live this way anymore, and I didn't have to. I reached out and up. At the end of myself I looked to the One that could take away my heartache and replace it with joy. I looked to the One who's eyes burn like fire and He told me that everything was going to be alright if I just kept my gaze on Him.
At times I have wanted to look away, but my heart says to hold on. The little girl inside says to hold on to hope. Hold on to love. Hold on to the One who was there through every horrible moment, and every joyful one. So instead of letting my life define who I am, I am letting my Creator define me by how He sees me. He sees the true me and that doesn't look like the things that I do or don't do, but He sees things in my heart that I am not even aware of.
So now the choices. I have the choice to either trust in the character and nature of who God is, or choose to continue to look at myself and see how I can get myself out of the mess called life. No matter what season I am in, I want to be content. You don't have to be content with where you are at or who you are at the moment, but you can be content in who you are through Christ and where He is taking you.
First off, I love Kate Winslet, secondly this quote is so great. Loving yourself the way that you are right now, but also wanting to be a better you is not only a positive outlook, but a realistic goal.
I am just starting to get into a routine where I want to workout not only for my family, but for myself. I want to feel better about myself from the inside out. I feel like this saying is cliche as it's true, true beauty comes from the inside out. So starting today I am going to look in the mirror each day and tell myself one thing I like. I believe in the power of words and I want to start treating myself with more respect and liking myself. The Lord created me to be the body shape that I am, the personality type that I am and He likes me for me, and if I don't accept that, then I will keep spinning down this the Alice in Wonderland hole. So, all that say, start liking yourself, start loving yourself, and start living.
After many months of transition, pain and loss of self, I finally feel like I am rediscovering who I am. Since having my first child and battling PPD, it's been a struggle to find enjoyment in everyday life. We recently celebrated my son's first birthday and it was a joy to say the least with family and friends surrounding our little boy with love and affection. I "officially" am a SAHM (Stay-at-home-mom) and just enjoyed my first week with little Liam. Though both of us have been sick, it has been an extremely enjoyable week learning, talking and shopping together. Yes, momma likes to shop.
Now transitioning from full-time marketplace, to full-time mommyhood, I feel a sense of relief and even feel at peace with just having one occupation. I think if I wasn't battling so much with PPD and other things in my life right now maybe it would of been ok for me to stay in the marketplace, but mentally, spiritually, emotional and physically it has stripped me. I think working moms are seriously the best. I wasn't able to do it, but I have such respect for mothers who go back to work after having a baby. My mother was a single parent herself for a time and I seriously don't know how she did it. My mother has sacraficed so much of herself for us and even now I tear up just thinking about all the things she had to do to push us to have better. It is a courage that has marked my heart forever.
I am very grateful though that my husband has witnessed the past year and has called for a change. I am grateful and humbled that he wants me to stay at home with our son and give all my energy and attention to his needs. Adjusting to my new schedule is interesting, but today is the first day that I can say, that I have felt true happiness, and I haven't felt this way in a long time.